My story may be rooted in trauma, but it’s not my only story.
—Elaine Alec
Not a single person walks into my office super excited to be there. We have finally arrived at our last resort. Our previous ways of coping no longer are serving us in the ways they used to, so we are forced to try something different.
In my experience as a therapist, people are motivated in one of 3 ways: desperation, obligation, or inspiration.
I see a lot of the first 2 and not so much of the 3rd. People seek help because they have no options left or because they feel like they have to. Very seldom is it that people seek therapy because they just woke up one day and thought it might be a great idea.
And that’s totally okay.
A lot of the stuff that’s not going well in our lives is often tied to things that also didn’t go well earlier in our life experiences. Needs went unmet, boundaries were violated, we didn’t feel seen or heard in our formative relationships. As a result we developed survival strategies to overcome these unmet needs and violations of trust. These survival strategies served a purpose--they created a sense of control, structure, and safety when there wasn’t any. The problem is that once we are out of the immediate danger of whatever was happening to us, these strategies often don’t work as well as they used to, or as well as we would like them to.
How I work with trauma:
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Brainspotting
The premise behind Brainspotting is “where you look affects how you feel.” Dr. David Grand, the founder of Brainspotting, discovered that exploring different places in a client’s field of vision could unlock a door into processing deep, often untouched traumas. By accessing parts of the brain that standard talk therapy alone cannot access, our ability to heal trauma is much greater. I utilize this method of trauma work in conjunction with somatic based coping mechanisms to ensure greater emotional regluation throughout the entire process.
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Internal Family Systems
IFS is based on the concept of “multiplicity of the mind.” Many people are also familiar with the term “parts work.” I’m sure you have thought to yourself or even said out loud before, “A part of me thinks ‘x’ and another part of me feels ‘y’.” These are the very parts we are referring to! Parts work is often deeply helpful for clients with developmental traumas or trauma that happened in their family of origin. This kind of work allows us to give a voice to younger, hurt parts of ourselves and re-write the story so those parts can get their needs met—not from other people, but from you. This work is playing the long game. I weave concepts of IFS into our sessions regularly to offer perspective and to encourage clients to think about they ways they hold power over their own narrative, and as a result, their lived experiences.
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Somatic Based Coping Strategies
Trauma happens to both the body and the brain, so our healing has to involve both as well. Have you ever wondered why talking about a big problem doesn’t actually feel like it solves anything? This is why. I help clients develop an awareness of their mental, emotional, and somatic (body) experiences. Once we have a foundational awareness of somatic “baseline,” we can deepen our work together to use the body’s method of communicating with us as a tool for setting boundaries, trying new things, and feeling like we have greater autonomy over our lives.
Trauma work is (and has to be) client driven. We aren’t ever working on my agenda. We don’t move forward into this work without your explicit consent and desire to do so. I don’t ever start a therapeutic relationship by doing trauma work. It can take weeks or months to develop the rapport necessary to begin processing trauma. Once we get started processing, we can stop whenever you want. I often utilize timers, particularly in the beginning of our work together, to ensure that there is a clear beginning and end point. My goal is for the process to be on the edge of the client’s comfort zone; it should be uncomfortable but not painful.
As powerful and valuable as this work can be, I also can’t guarantee that it will work for you or be the best fit for you. There are many different ways to process trauma. I offer just a few. If something doesn’t work for you, or is too activating for you, I’m happy to discuss alternative solutions with you, including referrals to a different professional if necessary. Your healing is my number one priority.